How to be the perfect parent on A-level results day

For parents with children hoping to head off to university, 14 August – A-level results day – will be highlighted on the calendar. While it is mostly a waiting game, there are ways to prepare in case your child misses their offer and has to secure a place through Clearing.

1. Remember what your role is in this process

It is your child who sat the exams, did the coursework and will have to do the studying when they move on to university. Parents contribute to the finances and provide the hotel known as home. Moving from school or college to university is challenging – desired and feared in equal measure – but they have to make that journey for themselves. All that parents can do is be there to help when needed.

2. Don't nag

Good parenting is based on creating clear boundaries, on dialogue and negotiation. Like most of us, young people only hear what they want to, when they want to. Being around and available to give support is more effective than close questioning and control.

Once the initial post-exam euphoria has waned, parents typically urge their children to take up temporary employment, either to build up some funds or to reduce the number of mugs lying round the house. Urging may come to nothing, but try to see the positive side of having them around and enjoy their company. If everything works out as planned, they will be gone soon enough.

Try and avoid exploring all the possible fallback options "in case things go wrong". It feels like good preparation (and a focus for parental anxiety), but to children it can feel like a lack of faith or trust. Be ready for the best as well as the worst. Concentrate on sorting accommodation, visiting the university town or city to see whether there's an IKEA handy, and plan travel routes. However well your child does in their exams, they have come to the end of the school lives, and that's a signicant achievement – celebrate it.

3. Follow their lead

If, on the day, their results are better than expected, there are opportunities to trade up through Adjustment. If worse, there may still be the insurance place, there is Clearing, and in some cases the possibility of getting into an alternative course in the preferred institution. Seek advice from websites, speak to school or college and talk it through with your son or daughter. But don't take over the whole thing.

Institutions want to talk to the applicant about their options, not their parent (see the Ucas website for guidance). Sit beside them while they make the call, if they want you to. It can feel like a lottery as potential places disappear while you look at the websites, and they will want to talk through their options as they go along. But let them decide what to do, and what they want. Many institutions offer visits for Clearing students which can be useful, so be prepared for more driving, even if only to the station. And if they decide to take a year out and try again, it's not a sign of failure.

4. Be willing to consider hard choices

Making the transition to university is a big step and once the relief of results is over it's suddenly a reality. Some children can get anxious – try and establish whether this is just the usual last-minute nerves about having made the right choice or whether something is genuinely not right. And keep discussing with your son or daughter how they are feeling about their university life, especially in the first few term. Every year, some students fail to engage with their course or institution. They don't perform as well as expected, and they struggle to make friends. Three years is a long time to be miserable. In the unlikely event that this happens to your child, you need to be ready to have a hard discussion about whether they should change course.

5. Get out the photos of you as an 18-year-old

Think back to when you were 18 and getting your own A-level results or 16, and getting your GCSEs. What did that feel like and how did you want your parents to behave?

(Source: TheGuardian)