Headline May 27, 2016/ ''' WELL -GIRLS : *HEELS & HIGHS* '''

''' WELL -GIRLS : 

*HEELS & HIGHS* '''

FORCING WOMEN TO WEAR HEELS , is just about as criminal,  as one can or could,  ever, ever get.

Ah, I fear I'm about to go and do just that, curse me and my tiresome X chromosomes. Might I suggest he wield his  double-blade  guillotine cigar cutter while I retire,  -with my monstrous regiment, to the withdrawing room?

Now readers will know I am deeply reluctant to call myself a feminist. This is not because I dislike the ideology, just the etymology. Or to put it another way: I hate the outdated  ''ism'' , which is a millstoned with so many historic and retrograde connotations.

But now that footwear has become a feminist issue, I have no choice but to declare myself on the distaff side. To whit : a receptionist at London finance company  PwC  was sent home without pay-

For failing to wear heels ''between two and four inches high''.

*She countered that it was discriminatory because male colleagues were exempt and campaigning to have the law changed to make such demands illegal*.

Meanwhile, In North America  -photographs of a waitress'   blood-soaked feet have gone terribly viral.

After serving in heels all day,  she lost a toenail,  but was told she was required to put the shoes on again the very next day. Tell me, is this a good thing?

No, it is not. Is it sexist?  Yes. Damn outrageously so. It's so outrageous that I can only infer it must be predicated on a gross misassumption on the part of men.

Could it be they actually think heels are comfortable? There is a certain logic to it. I mean, why would we women, says Judith Woods,  *the eminently sensible gender*, voluntarily spend our hard -earned cash on something that makes our toes crumple and blister to the point of weeping?

It's an easy mistake to make. When we sensuously run our hands over the suede uppers, our ragged breathing swift and shallow, pupils dilating at 'This Seasons Ugly Wooden Block Heel', we give the impression-

*That such footwear is the stuff of fairy tales. Grimm fairy tales, maybe. More like the Spanish boots deployed by the  Inquisition to crush, twist and cripple*.

Such shoes are a torture, impossible to wear for more than half an hour and and walking extraordinarily difficult. 

Christian Louboutin once declared : ''I would hate for someone to look at my shoes and say :  'Oh My God, they look so comfortable.''

But, chaps, the thing is, we forgive such footwear its fundamental flaw  -because it makes our feet look perfect.

!Marilyn Monroe believed that if you gave any girl the right shoes, she could conquer the world!.

But for today's women, there is a shoe to fit every foot and mood, except if you are the  Duchess of Cambridge,  in which case, a Norfolk blacksmith comes and nails a new pair of pumps to your feet every six weeks.

One girl's wedges are another's gladiator sandals or limited edition Nikes. Some of us can't balance in Manolos (me).

Others have a prehensile grip that means they can run for a bus  in a heeled mules (also me) . There are women with bunions  {Victoria Beckham and me, both} and fallen arches and pronating gate  (don't even ask)  who are really happiest in lumpen clogs.

But we don't wear our lumpen clogs every day because occasionally we want to look down and see finely crafted perfection.

And we don't wear heels every day because that would feel cruel and unnatural. Even the Patron Saint of chic,  Cara  Delevingne, says that she prefers trainers because she has to wear so many pairs of uncomfortable shoes on the catwalk and in shoots.

Expecting all women to wear heels at work is neither reasonable nor humane    -during pregnancy, its particularly hideous   -and yes, it ought to be made illegal.

*And until it is, any employer who insists female staff looking like dolly birds should be named, shamed and publicly pilloried as the sexiest Seventies throwbacks they are*.

'Oh, and as for those female chief executives you encounter in towering in stiletto heels?

*They are not parading about to look pretty; they are wearing them to feel angry*.

So, the male reader who contacted me recently to congratulate me on the balance  I achieved between   ''humour and cheekiness'' . This, he said, was usually harmonious and certainly thought provoking........-unless I was '' ranting  on about......wimmin's issues''. 

''O' SURE, sure, Miss Woods!''  *!The World Students Society, I dare deem, stands by you!*

With respectful and most loving dedication to all the Girl Students, Female Professors and female Teachers of the World. See Ya all on !WOW!  -the World Students Society and  !E-WOW!  -the Ecosystem 2011:

''' By The Cuff '''

Good Night and God Bless

SAM Daily Times - the Voice of the Voiceless