Headline January 17, 2017/ ''' ASIAN -DRIVING STYLE?-. *AMEN!* '''

''' ASIAN -DRIVING STYLE?-. 

*AMEN!* '''

COMEDIAN MUHAMMAD  FADZZI,  -aka   Fakkah Fuzz, never did cop to the  9-to-5  cubicle lifestyle. ''I didn't want to work in office,'' he says.

Master Fuzz's set can touch just about on  everything.  From race relations, societies, and  politics to  relationships all told with an unfettered fearlessness and witted cheek.

*How do you make God laugh?* he asks, as always,  at his brilliant best.

*Tell Him your plans,* he counsels. Better still, have the Lord God watch Asians Drive on daily basis.

Westerners taking to the road for the first time in most parts of the East must be prepared for an awakening cultural shock 

IN CHINA,  THE HIGHWAY CODE appears to have one very simple rule, writes Nuriy Vittachi, an Asia based frequent traveller : 

*the biggest vehicle will always have the best available right of way!*

It's a joy reading Nury Vittachi, ricocheting off everything putrid and tiny in our lives and in our culture

So, in China, Trucks have precedence over cars which take precedence over bicycles which take precedence over humans.

If by any chance, an alien intergalactic mothership landed in that country, all 1.4 billion people residents would automatically be found guilty of breaking the Failing to Get Out of the Way of a Big Flashy Conveyance Ordinance.

Not long ago, the Chinese government promulgated a law requiring drivers to stop at  *Yellow Lights*. 

*I hope one day, they'll try to make the motorists stop at red lights too*.

Yet a creative streak can be seen among the country's traffic cops. In the scooter-dominated southern Chinese city of Sanya,  police just don't stop bad drivers, they follow them right to their offices.

They then assemble the entire staff of the company,  from bosses to cleaners, before giving the motorist a severe scolding.

The idea is to use the Asian horror of  *losing face*  to scare drivers into behaving.

If this happened to me, writes, Nury   I'd be on my knees, stuffing bribes into the officer's pockets, ''Please execute me in a stadium on  Live TV   instead! I beg you!''

Removal of face as a social tool is also used in India. That country has a legal third sex called hijras, people born male who grow up to wear make-up and sarees.

They have traditionally been paid to congregate outside the homes of  tax-dodgers, who race to the inland revenue  offices  to  pay up before neighbours question their masculinity.

But hijras are becoming socially acceptable, which is surely a good thing, although some are annoyed at the loss of fun, paid job, and you very well see their point.

Imagine receiving  taxpayer cash to humiliate chauvinists.

Master Nury Vittachi,  once interviewed  British actor Michael Palin, who said that one of the most terrifying moments of his life was playing a humiliated Pontius Pilate facing a huge, laughing crowd.

*Instead of starting wars against despots, we should just sound and send people to  *Laugh*  at them he said*.

I know this happens in India, where people do gather to chuckle as a protest against powerful evildoers.

[Note: only do this in large groups. Solo, sessions of politically-directed hysterical laughter will only get you labelled  'lunatic']  I know this now.

But going back to  driving problems, it is a fact motorists now have an extra chance to get on the right side of traffic cops.

Cop: We saw you driving erratically and holding your phone.

Me :  Sorry, I was playing Pokeman and saw an Articuno.

Incidentally, please note that talking to traffic cops is an art to itself. If you remember nothing else from this publishing and column, just remember this

When a cop says : ''Do I look stupid to you? Remember it is a rhetorical question. I know this now. you're welcome.   

Thank You, Fakkah Fuzz. Agreed that your concept of getting God Almighty to laugh holds dread reality.

Too often, things do not go exactly as outlined. Thus to minimize failure in this world, in our Little Red Dot, many cling to the System.

Conditioning starts early and young  -study hard, get good results, be a model citizen, raise the next generation. Repeat.

''I don't have a long term plan,'' Fuzz says. 

''I only have a one year plan, that's it. Life is unpredictable, and you got to appreciate every moment that comes along. But if you really want to know what I wanna be in  five years  time?

He holds the moment before delivering the punchline: ''alive''.

Almighty God might laugh at that, but thanks to Fuzz, we all get to laugh along with him, and at ourselves too.  

But all said and done, Thank You, : *For letting the world know that it's very Okay to laugh. The World Students Society will ensure that your message is conveyed all around.

With respectful dedication to the Students, Professors and Teachers of the world. See Ya all on !WOW!  -the World Students Society and Twitter...... !E-WOW!   -the Ecosystem 2011:

''' !Post-Ironic? '''

Good Night and God Bless

SAM Daily Times - the Voice of the Voiceless